"It takes a strong person to remain single in a world accustomed to settling with anything just to say they having something."
If you’re currently single and wondering what you’re doing with your life, I highly ask that you stick around to read this post.
Recently during lunch, my friends and I were talking about how crazy it is that people our age are now getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. Life truly does fly by without warning! None of us showed one hint of jealousy though. Instead, we talked about how early it seemed to us to become a full-time spouse or parent at that age. I know I’m not ready for any of that right now. I don’t even want to think about having kids because I still consider myself as a kid! But what can I say, some people are different.
We single girls all know that feeling of envy when we see a happy couple on Instagram or find out that a girl we swam with on the elementary school swim team is getting married. As twenty-something aged women, it’s easy to ask ourselves, “When am I finally going to get that?” For the most part; however, what I ask myself is, “Why would any girl want to rush into a relationship just to claim that they’re no longer single?”
I hardly ever talk about relationships on the blog, simply because it’s not what I’m focused on. Of course I eventually want to find my Prince Charming and live my happily ever, but I’m absolutely in no rush (and he’s still stuck in traffic). I’m aware that a lot of girls my age, younger or older, tend to feel insecure about being single. With social media nowadays, it’s especially hard to not feel lonely when we see everyone in happy relationships. If you’re currently single and reading this post, I'm writing directly to you. I don’t want you to feel left out or insecure about not dating. In fact, you’re doing the right thing. Being single is free, healthy, and good for the soul. Nobody should ever be ashamed of not being in the dating zone! I'd much rather share ice cream with myself than a potential future spouse (see the picture above for point of reference).
If you’re unsure of how to enjoy your single life in your 20s, I have a few words of wisdom that I want to pass on to you. So listen up!
This is my number one dating rule for all you ladies. Being picky is way better than settling for less. Don’t start fooling around with the first guy you see just because you can’t handle being single any longer. All it’s going to do is make you unhappy and waste your precious time. My Italian great grandmother would always say “don’t trust nobody”, which is a rule I follow to this very day. So use that same rule for dating, don’t trust any guy you meet right away!
I’ve always been super picky when it comes to dating. I have very specific qualities that I look for in a man that I’ll want to spend the rest of my eternity with, which makes me a girl that’s very hard to impress (cue Shania Twain’s “That Don’t Impress Me Much”). I like being that way, it makes me tough and confident. I know what I want, I know what I deserve and I’ll know when I find it, no matter how long it takes.
So just be sure to make a list of the qualities you look for in a future spouse, from sense of humor to loyalty. Don't even trust doing research on Tinder or other dating apps. It works out for some people, but you truly want to wait for the right guy that meets all your needs.
Patience is a virtue
Patience is extremely important, both in relationships and out of relationships. If you’re too impatient about dating, you might put yourself at risk in toxic relationships; mentally, physically, and emotionally. Instead of bouncing around from one guy to another, just enjoy being single and be patient. Once the wait is over and you find the one you're destined to be with, you’ll realize how much the wait was worth it.
It’s really holy and valuable to trust God’s process in matching partners. When you put your trust in Him and let Him do the rest, your faith will become so strong. You’ll win whatever your heart desires in the long run, as long as it involves love and patience. Not only does God know what you want, but He also, most importantly, knows what's best for you. Just put your faith in Him and continue to be patient!
Ignore what relatives say
Being single can become a big insecurity when relatives keep bickering to you about not being in a relationship. Earlier this year, my grandpa randomly asked me when I’m going to get engaged. I wasn’t even dating or talking to anyone around that time! I bet you can imagine how awkward and annoyed that would make me feel!
When it comes to your elders, you just have to realize that they grew up during a time when people got married and had babies right out of college or high school. That's just the old-fashioned lifestyle they are more familiar with, but don't let that be an influence on your own lifestyle. It’s not 1964 anymore, it’s 2018. Times have changed, and so has dating. If anyone ever asks you why you’re not seeing people, just respond, “I’m focusing on everything I want to accomplish first. I’ll date when the time and the guy is right.” Focusing on your goals first is much more valuable than forcing yourself into a relationship just to please your relatives.
Take more time for self-love
Self-love is not selfish, it’s mandatory. It’s so important to take care of yourself mentally, physically, and emotionally. Your 20s are when you should learn more about self-love and do what you can to get into that habit. Once you learn that, you’ll be set for the rest of your life. Taking care of yourself first can lead you in the right direction to a healthy long-term relationship.
When you find yourself drowning in jealousy from other girls romantically involved with their spouses/partners, immediately stop comparing yourself to them and realize your self-worth. Take some time to pamper yourself, get enough sleep, exercise, eat in moderation, meditate, go on a mini shopping spree for yourself (trust me, retail therapy is a thing), just do whatever will make you feel good about yourself!
If you want ideas for self-care, check out this book that inspires me whenever I need me time: The Little Book of Self-Care: 200 Ways to Refresh, Restore, and Rejuvenate.
Gain more confidence
Nothing kills self-confidence more than a guy who acts like the biggest diva in the world and makes you feel worthless. Also nothing is more ugly than a guy who acts like the biggest diva in the world. Here’s a helpful tip: if a guy tells you that you don’t deserve him … he’s right. You definitely do not deserve that asshole. With that being said, DUMP HIS ASS!
During my first and so far only relationship, I wasn’t very confident about myself. The guy I dated was very friendly and sweet, but he was also one of the most popular guys at our high school. I think because of that, I didn’t feel quite so comfortable or confident about myself. We ended up dating for only one month and I haven’t dated anyone ever since because I'm so picky. I’m relieved that things didn’t work out honestly, and I learned a valuable lesson from that experience: be confident in your own skin.
Four years passing and I am much more confident, fearless and comfortable with myself than ever before! Even though that quick high school relationship wasn't the best, I'm happy with where I am now and I hope all is well for him, too. I think it worked out nicely for the both of us. Now I know I will be ready to meet the one I’ll marry with the confidence I’ve gained.
Become the right one before you meet the right one
This piece of advice has stuck around with me for a while now because it’s so vital and speaks truth. We all keep begging the universe to grant us with the right person as soon as possible. But don’t you think that other person is hoping the same thing for us? So why are we wasting our time complaining? That’s not a trait that women and men look for in potential spouses.
Before God allows us to meet the right one, we also need to become the right one. It’s way more simple than it sounds. Just be more kind, learn to take a joke, be devoted to Jesus, work hard, and of course, love yourself. Then at last, God will allow you, the right one, to finally come into contact with the right one.
Need me to repeat that? Become the right one BEFORE you meet the right one!
I hope this advice helped you twenty-something girls out there. Don't let your insecurities shine down upon your singleness. Now is the time to enjoy your freedom before Prince Charming (or Cinderella, depending on your preference) comes along. God is in the process of writing the best love story for you, and I know for a fact that He's also writing mine right now as well. Once it finally gets published, they'll be so meaningful that we won't want to stop rereading them over and over again.
Just remember your worth, how beautiful you are, and that God loves you no matter what. Also know that you're a strong independent woman who don't need no man! Same goes for you fellas out there, too.
“I have found the one whom my soul loves.” - Son of Solomon 3:4